The Hollywood Knights (1980)

“I am going to explore the boundaries of my manhood. Mother, I am going to get laid.” If you plan on watching The Hollywood Knights because you want to catch the on-screen fireworks between Michelle Pfeiffer (as “Suzie Q”) and Tony Danza (as “Duke”), don’t bother – they’re in the movie for maybe 10 minutes tops (however, Pfeiffer does look great in her skimpy carhop outfit!). It’s almost like these characters are in a totally different movie, a cheesy teenage drama (along with the cliché-riddled subplot about the guy, “Jimmy Shine,” portrayed by Gary Graham, joining the Army and most likely heading to Vietnam). The real action is centered around Tubby’s Drive-In (Home of “The Big One”), a legendary establishment that is about to close down, and the string of stupid, crude pranks directed at pretty much anybody and led by “Newbomb Turk” (Robert Wuhl, who totally steals the show) and the rest of the Hollywood Knights, a local car club, as they wreak total havoc throughout Beverly Hills on Halloween Night 1965. These clowns don’t give a shit about anything except raising hell, drag racing, breasts and mooning strangers out of car windows (one of the film’s taglines read: “At last, a motion picture that moons a man on the land.”). Two of the dumbest, most inept cops in film history (the dumbest, “Officer Bimbeau,” portrayed by Gailard Sartain) try to dampen all the fun with little success. Frankly I’m tired of hearing how The Hollywood Knights is a “third-rate imitation” of American Graffiti – I think it’s funny as shit! I literally burst out laughing when the old fossil runs out of the gym in a total panic screaming to the cops that there’s a guy in there “farting all over the place.” Directed by Floyd Mutrux (Aloha, Bobby and Rose), the film includes Fran Drescher and Stuart Pankin as “Dudley.” The Hollywood Knights also boasts a great soundtrack that includes “California Dreamin’” by The Mamas and The Papas, “Wipeout” by The Surfaris, “In the Midnight Hour” by Wilson Pickett and more. Warning: If you feel too sophisticated for a movie that contains fart jokes, I suggest you avoid The Hollywood Knights like the plague. The Hollywood Knights served as the film debut for Wuhl, Pfeiffer and Danza. Both Pfeiffer and Danza are featured prominently on the cover of the twentieth anniversary DVD – what a joke!

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