Top 10 Offbeat Quotes About Hell
#10 - BOREDOM
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I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse."
—Isaac Asimov, quoted in Philosophy on the Go, 2007

#09 - INFINITE LOVE
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"According to Christianity, eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, believe or die. 'Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.'"
—Bill Hicks

#08 - NO REDEMPTION
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“I believe that you’re born with eternal sin, and that mankind is Hell. You don’t have to die to go to Hell. There is no redemption in Christ. The only redemption you have is in realizing that you’re alone in the universe, and to take command of your own life.”
—Joe Coleman, Cosmic Retribution: The Infernal Art of Joe Coleman, 1994

#07 - KINDLING WOOD
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"I would not for my life destroy one star of human hope, but I want it so that when a poor woman rocks the cradle and sings a lullaby to the dimpled darling, she will not be compelled to believe that ninety-nine chances in a hundred she is raising kindling wood for hell."
—Robert Ingersoll, How to be Saved, 1880

#06 - GOLDEN RULES
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"A God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell—mouths mercy, and invented hell—mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!"
—Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger, 1916

#05 - LAKES OF FIRE
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"Hell came right along with God, hand in hand. The stink of sulfur swirled in the air of the church, fire burned in the aisles, and brimstone rained out of the rafters. From the evangelist's oven mouth spewed images of a place with pitchforks, and devils, and lakes of fire that burned forever. God had fixed a place like that because he loved us so much."
—Harry Crews, A Childhood: The Biography of A Place, 1978

#04 - RELIEF
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"Written over the gate here are the words 'Leave every hope behind, ye who enter.' Only think what a relief that is! For what is hope? A form of moral responsibility. Here there is no hope, and consequently no duty, no work, nothing to be gained by praying, nothing to be lost by doing what you like. Hell, in short, is a place where you have nothing to do but amuse yourself."
—George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, 1903

#03 - ENDLESS INFINITIES
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"An idea, which has terrified millions, claims that some of us will go to a place called Hell, where we will suffer eternal torture. This does not scare me because, when I try to imagine a Mind behind this universe, I cannot conceive that Mind, usually called 'God,' as totally mad. I mean, guys, compare that 'God' with the worst monsters you can think of—Adolph Hitler, Joe Stalin, that sort of guy. None of them ever inflicted more than finite pain on their victims. Even de Sade, in his sado-masochistic fantasy novels, never devised an unlimited torture. The idea that the Mind of Creation (if such exists) wants to torture some of its critters for endless infinities of infinities seems too absurd to take seriously. Such a deranged Mind could not create a mud hut, much less the exquisitely mathematical universe around us."
—Robert Anton Wilson, “Cheerful Reflections on Death and Dying,” Gnoware, February 1999

#02 - STRANGE WORLD
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"It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die. Who knows? If there is in fact, a heaven and a hell, all we know for sure is that hell will be a viciously overcrowded version of Phoenix—a clean well lighted place full of sunshine and bromides and fast cars where almost everybody seems vaguely happy, except those who know in their hearts what is missing . . . And being driven slowly and quietly into the kind of terminal craziness that comes with finally understanding that the one thing you want is not there. Missing. Back-ordered. No tengo. Vaya con dios. Grow up! Small is better. Take what you can get . . ."
—Hunter S. Thompson, Gonzo Papers, Vol. 2: Generation of Swine: Tales of Shame and Degradation in the '80s, 1988

#01 - INVISIBLE MAN
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"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! . . . But He loves you!"
—George Carlin

User Comments - Add a Comment
permial - 2008-05-09 01:57:53
Well done! Very nice collection of quotes & art. The Christian right doesn't want this around.
dherkes - 2008-05-24 10:24:07
The reflections of these writers pretty well reflects the experiences of one month of an American soldier in Iraq. Hell is a personal thing is it not?
Jerk - 2008-05-28 02:44:09
Very nice. I particularly like numbers 10,9,4. Although I'm a Christian, I personally hold Bill Hick's sentiments. (#9) Nice list.
KesheR - 2008-06-04 08:25:04
I actually think Hell could be a good place for orgies and mass-but-harmless destruction. Perhaps it should exist after all... No hangovers! No impotence! No deadly wounds! Just fucking around and jumping from buildings! I think it's fun.
Furd - 2008-06-07 09:44:26
"Sunday — A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell." – H.L. Mencken
J.W.M. - 2008-10-27 17:16:36

“Hell is paved with priests' skulls” Saint John Chrysostom (Church Father, biblical interpreter , and archbishop of Constantinople, 347-407)

Nice... - 2008-10-31 04:28:10

We need to keep reminding them of how crazy and paranoid their religion is, or else they will continue to opress this poor world. Well they are really craving for attention sometimes but still, facts must be told. And remember, religions are all about politics really... Forget all this metaphysical crap.

Nico - 2008-11-08 16:04:34

I too am Christian, and surprisingly I like what I see here. There's waaay too much crap in the church and we need to get our minds straight. =/

dom - 2008-11-10 06:33:07

I am a Christian and I don't mind it at all. There is git given to everyone by God and that is free will. So believe what ever you want to But as for me and my family we follow Christ.

Freewill - 2008-11-10 21:04:50

Thanks. Nice list. As for those who still choose Christ, you choose these lies. We still hold you responsible for your actions, and for passing the lies onto your children. Mine have choice, and a clean moral compass as a starting point. You may be a good person through and through, but the taint of religion still blackens your morals. Seek truth. (no, it's not in that book you hold so dear...)

Sons of Thunder - 2008-11-23 18:30:09

Typical quotes Christians should expect. Every last one of them lied, stole things that did not belong to them and looked with lustful eyes. They are all liars, thieves and adulterers. We punish criminals when they break the law but think God is mean because he does the same? What a bunch of hypocrites! Without Jesus you deserve hell lawbreakers and will have nobody to blame but yourselves. "We are prisoners here of our own device" - Hotel California

abram - 2009-01-20 05:34:19

well, i really don't see why one side has to hate on the other so much. most, not all, of these are intelligent and well written/spoken thoughts but are nevertheless wrong. saying that christians force lies on their children is also wrong for you have no way on earth to prove that they are indeed lied. in fact, the moral compass some speak of only goes to prove the existence of some higher power that determines right from wrong other then yourself. on the flip side, shooting down another's opinion just because you don't agree and condemning them as "lawbreakers" isn't going to get anyone on your side. save the wrath and judgment for someone worth of passing it. i don't think anyone here qualifies.

Korbl - 2010-03-10 18:58:24

Sons of Thunder, it is not the fact of punishment that is resented, it is the manner and kind and disproportion of punishment to crime we resent. Even the worst serial killer in history has not broken god's law enough to be justly punished for all eternity. And when this unjust punishment is leveled at us by a supposedly "loving," "forgiving" figure, well, we must either rage against him, or laugh him out of court. Personally, I like the idea that Hell is the absence of god. That means it's precisely what I want, and lacking nothing my life didn't. Smile, Hell is merely the absence of an imaginary figure and his rules and hypocrisy.

Michael Thomas - 2010-05-14 22:15:21

I read all of these and its very sad that not a one gets it, GOD did not make Hell for us, he made Hell for the Devil and his angels, and YES he loves us thats why Jesus died a very painful death so that WE could be reconciled to GOD and not go to Hell, WE choose Hell by not recieving the FREE gift of salvation, all you have to do is Pray this Prayer, " Lord Jesus I know I am a sinner please come into my heart and forgive me" pretty simple if you ask me......

Seancho - 2010-12-28 21:18:47

If there were a hell, principled people would volunteer for it, as a form of civil disobedience. I would also ask the Christian do-gooders on this planet where they could continue to do the most good in the afterlife, listening to an eternity of soothing harp music in a fluffy celestial country-club, or up to their necks in fire and brimstone, among all the sinners writhing in eternal anguish. How could anyone with a conscience enjoy heaven knowing that so many were suffering in hell?

criswayne2010 - 2011-03-15 10:23:38

nice quotes bout' hell seems to be real!!

Janice Anderson - 2014-03-28 09:50:33

I am trying to understand GNU would post something that makes it seem like people will burn in hell forever? I don't believe that is what Scripture teaches at all. If I believed people would go to hell and burn forever, I would spit at God. But I don't believe that. Thank God! The God and The Lord Jesus Christ love their children infinitely, even though none of us deserve it.i will do my best to live the way my Jesus, who I know loves me infinitely, would have me do because I know that is what will make me by far the most peaceful, joyful happy person. I believe hell is being eternally separated from our Father God and His precious son Jesus Christ!!