"The Movie that Dares to Tell the Truth Behind the Most Shocking Crime of the Century!" No, this isn’t the critically acclaimed Jim Jones biopic starring Emmy award winner Powers Boothe. In this ludicrous, slapped-together exploitation horror flick, Stuart Whitman stars as "Rev. James Johnson," a drug-crazed evangelist who leads his flock to ruin in the jungles of Guyana. Believe it or not, this piece of shit stars such name actors as Joseph Cotten (Citizen Kane) and Yvonne DeCarlo (The Munsters). Also known as Guyana: Crime of the Century. Director Rene Cardona Jr. was also responsible for the 1977 Jaws ripoff, Tintorera.
Wheelchair bound Ray Milland and his family live on a private island, get attacked by hordes of killer frogs—"Millions of slimy bodies squirming everywhere—millions of gaping mouths!" An "eco-horror film," Frogs was directed by George McCowan and also starred Sam Elliott and Joan Van Ark. The film was shot at an old Southern mansion known as the Wesley House at Eden Gardens State Park in the Florida panhandle. The tagline for Frogs screamed: "Today—the Pond! Tomorrow—the World!"
Critic Harlan Ellison once said that Spaceballs "rivals L’Avventura as the single most obstinately boring film of all time. An invincibly tasteless farago of lame jokes, obvious parodies, telegraphed punchlines, wretched acting and idiot plot."
The "baby talking" genre has to be one of the lowest, most pathetic forms of comedy in movie history. As if the first Look Who's Talking film wasn’t bad enough, this lobotomized, thrown together sequel actually uses the voice of Roseanne as the daughter of John Travolta and Kirstie Alley. Even more depressing, Bruce Willis supplies the voice of "Mikey." Get the vomit bags out for this one, folks. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
"You're a fuckin' stripper, don't you get it . . ." A thoroughly laughable and unerotic look at the sleazy side of Las Vegas strippers, this turkey stars the untalented Elizabeth Berkley (Saved by the Bell), a spunky but brain-dead dancer named "Nomi" who works her way up the showbiz ladder from lap dancer to showgirl. Kyle MacLachlan, looking and acting just as he did when he portrayed Ray Manzarek in The Doors, plays Nomi’s boyfriend, "Zack" (effectively terminating his once-promising career).
Not only did Bill Cosby star in this unmitigated piece of shit, but he also produced it and wrote the screenplay. Fortunately, Leonard Part 6 was a box office flop, grossing $4.6 million on a budget of $24 million. The film earned three Golden Raspberry Awards—Worst Actor (Cosby), Worst Supporting Actress (Gloria Foster) and Worst Director (Paul Weiland, who also directed City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold, universally regarded as one of the worst sequels of all time).
Billed as "The Great Bela Lugosi's Last Film," Plan Nine is often referred to as the Citizen Kane of bad movies. Slapped together by the legendary Ed Wood Jr., the entire film was built around a couple of minutes of Lugosi footage shot just before he died in 1956. Aliens invade the Earth and awaken the dead in their bid to take over the world. Although it's often referred to as the "worst film of all time," I find the film entertaining in its ineptness. Plan Nine also stars Tor Johnson, Mona McKinnon, Dudley Manlove (as Eros the Alien!) and Vampira. Narrator Criswell repeatedly asks the audience, "Can you prove it didn't happen?"
"The Skill of Gymnastics . . . The Kill of Karate." Have you forgotten how hilariously, unbelievably awful Gymkata actually was when you caught it for the first time at 3 AM on cable televison? Click here to check out a humorous blow-by-blow recap of this legendary turkey, which starred former Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas and former Playboy model Tetchie Agbayani!
"He menaced women with his weird desires!" A madman steals corpses from the local morgue. Scenes are interrupted throughout with text describing various forms of mental illness ("Unhealthy thought creates warped attitudes which in turn creates criminals and maniacs"). Exploitation horror film is very loosely based on Edgar Allan Poe's "The Black Cat." Yes, Poe must have done a backflip in his grave after he viewed this one. Director Dwain Esper and his scriptwriter wife Hildegarde also made such classics as Marijuana, Weed with Roots in Hell and How to Undress in Front of Your Husband.
"This is the most outrageous spectacle I've ever witnessed . . ." An incoherent version of the H.G. Wells’ classic, this total piece of crap stars Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando—as the insane scientist who creates man-beast hybrids on a remote island. This is easily Brando's worst (and weirdest!) performance! If you want to see the story actually done well, skip this one, avoid the insipid 1977 version with Burt Lancaster and Michael York, and instead opt for Island of Lost Souls with Charles Laughton and Bela Lugosi. Besides Brando's over-the-top performance (which has to be seen to be believed, by the way), one of the most amusing aspects of the The Island of Dr. Moreau is the epilogue, whereby the narrator tries to turn the absurd flick we just witnessed into some kind of meaningful statement about today's society (complete with video clips of violent imagery): "I look about me at my fellow man and I'm reminded of some likeness to the beast people. And I feel as though the animal is surging up in them. And they're neither wholly animal or wholly man but an unstable combination of both, as unstable as anything Moreau created . . . And I go in fear."