Top 10 Totally Tasteless Christmas Quotes
#10 - Michael in THE OFFICE [2005]
Michael in THE OFFICE [2005] Image

"Christmas is awesome. First of all you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time."

#09 - Stewie in FAMILY GUY [1999]
Stewie in FAMILY GUY [1999] Image

"Careful! You're washing a baby's scalp, not scrubbing the vomit out of a Christmas dress, you stupid holiday drunk . . ."

#08 - Al Bundy in MARRIED . . . WITH CHILDREN [1987]
Al Bundy in MARRIED . . . WITH CHILDREN [1987] Image

"I hate Christmas. The mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is 'I want this,' 'Get me this,' 'I have to have this' . . . and then there's the children. And they're all by my store 'cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. 'Ho, ho, ho,' all day long. So, nice as can be, I go outside, ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. Beard comes off, all the kids start crying and I'm the bad guy."

#07 - Frank Costanza in SEINFELD [1990]
Frank Costanza in SEINFELD [1990] Image

—"Many Christmas' ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."

—"What happened to the doll?"

—"It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!"

#06 - Bart in THE SIMPSONS [1989]
Bart in THE SIMPSONS [1989] Image

"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa."

#05 - Santa in ELF [2003]
Santa in ELF [2003] Image

"And if you see a sign that says 'Peep Show,' that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas."

#04 - Frank Cross in SCROOGED [1988]
Frank Cross in SCROOGED [1988] Image

—"I want to see her nipples."
—"But this is a Christmas show."
—"Well, I'm sure Charles Dickens would have wanted to see her nipples."

#03 - Clark Griswold in CHRISTMAS VACATION [1989]
Clark Griswold in CHRISTMAS VACATION [1989] Image

"Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air . . . an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer."

#02 - Grandpa in SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT [1984]
Grandpa in SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT [1984] Image

"You see Santa Claus tonight you better run boy, you better run for ya life! . . . You scared, ain't you? You should be! Christmas Eve is the scariest damn night of the year!"

#01 - Gin in BAD SANTA [2003]
Gin in BAD SANTA [2003] Image

"Santa likes to fuck fat chicks in the ass."

User Comments - Add a Comment
agentofchaos - 2008-12-20 01:08:43

if you really think about it, all 10 should probably be from bad santa

cousin eddie - 2008-12-20 12:06:46

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse." - Clark Griswold

Ernie - 2013-09-23 01:25:14

That Al Bundy quote is the single funniest line in the entire history of "Married . . . with Children".