"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol."
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do."
"Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is."
"I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy." [Editor's Note: This quote has been widely attributed to Dorothy Parker.]
"Somebody left the cork out of my lunch."
"Drinking is a way of ending the day."
"There was nothing really as glorious as a good beer shit - I mean after drinking twenty or twenty-five beers the night before. The odor of a beer shit like that spread all around and stayed for a good hour-and-a-half. It made you realize that you were really alive.”
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
"I drink to make other people interesting."
Top 10 Drinking Quotes, Part 2