"What the Hell Ever Happened to Martha Quinn?": The Best and Worst Music Videos of All Time

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“You got to roll with the punches to get to what’s real . . .” --Van Halen, Jump

“So let’s sink another drink, cause it’ll give me time to think.” --Billy Idol, Dancing With Myself

“Ghosts appear and fade away . . .” --Men at Work, Overkill

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 Nina Blackwood . . . Mark Goodman . . . Alan Hunter . . . J.J. Jackson . . . Martha Quinn

. . . If these names of the five original MTV Vee-Jays don’t ring a bell, than it’s obvious that you missed out on the so-called “Golden Era” of Music Television, you know when they actually played music videos 24 hours a day, seven days a week. These days, you switch over to MTV and get some stupid “reality-based” show like “Road Rules” or “The Real World.” If you’re really lucky, you’ll get to watch endless, round-the-clock coverage of “Spring Break Uncensored” - basically a bunch of horny college students from the Midwest trying to get laid in Cancun, Mexico. Actually I stopped watching MTV the day that David Lee Roth left Van Halen.

Founded 25 years ago, on August, 1, 1981, MTV as we knew it in the early ’80s is now just a fading memory. In fact, prestigious researchers from the South Hampton Institute of Technology report that the average American kid stands to lose 3.5 IQ points for every 1,000 hours viewing the “new” MTV. Recently, Alternative Reel retired to a mountain cabin to view thousands of hours of classic music videos for the following report. So join us below as we rehash the best and worst moments from that glorious time period in our very subjective listings below. [Note: Do you remember a great (or even a shitty video) that somehow didn’t make our list? Send it our way and we’ll definitely include it in “Round II” of this ongoing project. And if you totally hate our list, why not make up one of your own?]

BEST MUSIC VIDEOS

Bust a Move - Young MC


Down Under - Men at Work


One - Metallica


Our House - Madness


Rock the Casbah - The Clash


Safety Dance - Men Without Hats


Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana


Thriller - Michael Jackson


Video Killed the Radio Star - The Buggles


We’re Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister


HONORABLE MENTION

• 1999 - Prince
• Another Thing Coming - Judas Priest
• Be Good Johnny - Men at Work
• Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
• California Girls - David Lee Roth
• Don’t Come Around Here No More - Tom Petty
• Fight for Your Right (to Party) - Beastie Boys
• Fight the Power - Public Enemy
• Gimme All Your Lovin' - ZZ Top
• Give it Away - Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Jeremy - Pearl Jam
• Jump - Van Halen
• Legs - ZZ Top
• Love My Way - Psychedelic Furs
• One Step Beyond - Madness
• Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2
• Voices Carry - Til Tuesday
• Walk This Way - Run DMC with Aerosmith
• Welcome to the Jungle - Guns n Roses
• White Wedding - Billy Idol
• Who Could It Be Now? - Men at Work
• Wild Thang - Tone Loc

WORST MUSIC VIDEOS



99 Luftballoons - Nena


Cars - Gary Numan


Centerfold - J. Geils Band


Dr. Heckyll & Mr. Jive - Men at Work


I Want a New Drug - Huey Lewis & the News:


Love Plus One - Haircut 100


Mr. Roboto - Styx


Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) - Journey


Uptown Girl - Billy Joel


Whip It - Devo


HONORABLE MENTION

• 867-5309 - Tommy Tutone
• Blinded Me With Science - Thomas Dolby
• The Breakup Song - Greg Kihn Band
• China Girl - David Bowie
• Dance Hall Days - Wang Chung
• Do They Know It’s Christmas? - Band Aid
• Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? - Culture Club
• Don’t Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin
• Ebony & Ivory - Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder
• Fantasy - Aldo Nova
• Ghostbusters - Ray Parker Jr.
• I’ll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men
• Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
• Illegal Alien - Genesis
• Karma Chameleon - Culture Club
• Maneater - Hall & Oates
• Manic Monday - The Bangles
• Mickey - Toni Basil
• My Kinda Lover - Billy Squier
• Oh Sherrie - Steve Perry
• Rhythm of the Night - DeBarge
• Rico Suave - Gerardo
• Rock Me Amadeus - Falco
• Rosanna - Toto
• Think I’m in Love - Eddie Money
• Too Shy - Kajagoogoo
• U Can’t Touch This - Hammer
• Vogue - Madonna
• Waiting on a Friend - The Rolling Stones
• Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go - Wham!
• We Built This City on Rock-N-Roll - Starship
• Working for the Weekend - Loverboy
• You Can Call Me Al - Paul Simon
• *Anything from Adam Ant, Culture Club, Duran Duran, Jefferson Starship or Loverboy

BONUS: MTV'S FIRST 25 MUSIC VIDEOS - AUGUST 1, 1981

1. 'Video Killed the Radio Star,' The Buggles
2. 'You Better Run,' Pat Benatar
3. 'She Won't Dance,' Rod Stewart
4. 'You Better You Bet,' The Who
5. 'Little Suzi's on the Up,' Ph.D.
6. 'We Don't Talk Anymore,' Cliff Richard
7. 'Brass in Pocket,' The Pretenders
8. 'Time Heals,' Todd Rundgren
9. 'Take it on the Run,' REO Speedwagon
10. 'Rockin' the Paradise,' Styx
11. 'When Things Go Wrong,' Robin Lane and The Chartbusters
12. 'History Never Repeats,' Split Enz
13. 'Hold on Loosely,' .38 Special
14. 'Just Between You and Me,' April Wine
15. 'Sailing,' Rod Stewart
16. 'Iron Maiden,' Iron Maiden
17. 'Keep On Loving You,' REO Speedwagon
18. 'Message of Love,' The Pretenders
19. 'Mr. Briefcase,' Lee Ritenour
20. 'Double Life,' The Cars
21. 'In the Air Tonight,' Phil Collins
22. 'Clues,' Robert Palmer
23. 'Too Late,' The Shoes
24. 'Stop Draggin' My Heart Around,' Stevie Nicks, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
25. 'Surface Tension,' Rupert Hine

MTV GOES ON THE AIR, AUGUST 1, 1981

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