"Fuckin' . . . What the fuckin'. Fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fuckin' . . . How did you two fuckin' fucks . . . FUCK!"
"Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, 'What the fuck.' 'What the fuck' gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future."
"Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fuckin' seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!"
"I think you're all fucked in the head. We're 10 hours from the fuckin' fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fuckin' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!"
—"Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fuckin' johnson!"
—"What do you need that for, Dude?"
"Dude! That means that by some fate we were paired together and she thought of me. Thought of me enough to want me to be responsible for the entire funness of her party! She wants to fuck me! She wants my dick in and around her mouth!"
—"'The leads are weak.' The fuckin' leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in the business 15 years . . ."
—"What's your name?"
—"Fuck you. That's my name . . . You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight. I drove an 80 thousand dollar BMW. That's my name."
—"What's the fuckin' matter with you? . . . What the fuck are you doin'? What are you, a fuckin' sick maniac?"
—"How am I meant to know you're kidding? What you mean, you're kidding? You breaking my fuckin' balls?"
—"I'm fuckin' kidding with you! You fuckin' shoot the guy?"
—"Good shot. What do you want from me? Good shot. Fuckin' rat anyway. His family's all rats. He'll grow up to be a rat."
—"You stupid bastard, I can't fuckin' believe you. Now, you're gonna dig the fuckin' thing now. You're gonna dig the hole. You're gonna do it. I got no fuckin' lime. You're gonna do it."
—"Who the fuck cares? I'll dig the fuckin' hole. I don't give a fuck. What is it, the first hole I dug? Not the first time I dug a hole. I'll fuckin' dig a hole. Where are the shovels?"
"I feel good today, Silent Bob, we're gonna make some money, then you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna go to that party, we're gonna get some pussy and I'm gonna fuck this bitch, I'm a fuck this bitch, I'll fuck anything that moves! Yo, what the fuck you lookin' at, I'll kick your fuckin' ass! Shit yeah. Doesn't that fucker owe me 10 bucks? You know, fuckin' tonight, we're gonna rip off this fucker's head and take out his fuckin' soul. Remind me if he tries to buy someething, I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag. Hey, what's up baby? What's up sluts?"
—"Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?"
—"How may I help you?"
—"You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat!"
—"I don't really care for the way you're speaking to me."
—"And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really don't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"
—"May I see your rental agreement?"
—"I threw it away."
—"Oh boy, what?"